Moments when I feel ugly

When I feel loved I feel like the most beautiful girl in the world. But I don’t always feel beautiful. Not at all. No, there are a lot of times I actually feel pretty ugly. Moments I don’t feel gorgeous, I don’t feel like myself at all. I just plainly feel ugly. UGLY.  

Society has a way of letting us not feel beautiful. Cause let’s face it, it tells us we are never beautiful enough. There is always something we are lacking. There is always someone more beautiful. I remember in primary school, yeah we were around ten, silly, the boys and the girls would rate each other. You had a top three of peeps you liked best and well thought were the prettiest. And sometimes we would just make a list of all. And well I didn’t do so high in the rankings, yeah. I remember looking back at old photos and be like, oh I was gorgeous, if only I could see back then what I see now. 

See the point is not someone being prettier. And it definitely is not about the saying there is always someone prettier than you, cause that is utter bullshit. What if instead, we could celebrate each other’s beauty. Instead of ranking it in some silly way. Everyone is beautiful. And everyone is the prettiest, by being their true selves. You can’t compare people, cause they aren’t the same. But we can definitely celebrate people. Let’s celebrate each other’s beauty loves. Tell someone today that she is beautiful.  

In moments I feel ugly, are moments when I feel like I am not good enough. Those are moments I don’t feel loved. And most often that person I don’t feel loved by is me. Yes. Me. We are so harsh on ourselves. You know to beat that feeling we often search for those affirmations of beauty, of being enough, by feeling loved by a fella. They have the power to make us feel like the most gorgeous girl in the world. Yet boy oh boy, that knowing needs to start by us, and man your heart will get broken by guys if you display that just so easily before them. Yes the right one will make you feel like the most pretty girl on earth. Yet it takes more than only his love. It takes your love as well. You need to love yourself girl, in order to feel pretty. Cause you will lower standard in men, if you don’t love yourself. As well as not seeing him, cause you just want to feel pretty, to feel loved by playing with his heart. 

And man the journey of loving myself started ages ago. And I can say I love myself. And I can say I am beautiful. But still, there are moments I am not loving myself. Still, there are moments I don’t feel beautiful. Most of those moments are me being harsh on myself. Moments where I put pressure on me. Why aren’t you further along in your life right now?! Why haven’t you achieved more by now?! You know things like that. Please girl, have some grace on yourself. Accept that you are right here. And you are freaking going to enjoy right now. Cause you have some gorgeous gold to enjoy right now. Every season has it’s own gorgeous nuggets. And girl, it is okay to grief your seasons, with celebration comes grief for the closing of a chapter. But be present. Don’t get so obsessed by where you want to go, who you want to be. Be here. And enjoy your beauty. 

Another moment when I feel not like my beautiful self is the moment I lose my confidence. The moment I feel misunderstood by people. The moment I forget who I really am. The moment my surrounding gets the best of me, instead of me influencing my surrounding for the better. The moments when I am playing small and am not standing tall. When I doubt myself and when I listen to this little voice telling me it is all silly. Those moments make me dim my beauty and take over my feels. And that is not okay. Maybe we should have a little more grace on ourselves, and love ourselves a tat more at times, cause we are flipping fabulous.

Other moments when I feel ugly is when man I get lived by life, instead of me living it. When life just goes too fast. When I just get too consumed by certain projects. When I am just going going going. And my hair and food are getting greasy. When I am not putting an effort of looking cute. When I am not intentional about taking care of my gorgeous body. And in the end not leaving space for loving myself well. Looking in the mirror is me staring into the face of a stranger. Cause my face isn’t covered in love. And I don’t know myself without love. Slowing down, making space for me and a little glam up do wonders. Everyone needs her own self-love routine I think. 

But you know to really feel beautiful and shed away those moments of feeling ugly, we need to live in love. We need to wear love as a basic, all-purpose garment. And you know, God is love. He is the only one that can tell us truth about the moments we let the doors open to the ugly. Cause that feeling points us to a lie we are believing in that moment. The absence of love, the absence of God in that moment is fear. And fear is a liar. So let’s love. Let’s love ourselves. Let love reign our lives. To stand up for ourselves in the busy. Stand up for ourselves in how other people treat us. To let love in. To let people in. Get your love on, love. Surround people in beauty. You are beautiful. 

Lots of love,